The Family Bed

In our bedroom, I have a baby crib and a double bed mattress. The crib is meant for my 10 month old Emilio and the mattress for my almost 3 year old Ava. So far, the crib is now used to store the toys Ava doesn't want Emilio to reach. And Ava's double bed is used by my brother when he sleeps over. Ava and Emilio have their own rooms... with beds in each too! Our king sized bed with 2 rail guards on left and the right is where we all sleep. The rail guards are actually for my husband and myself... so we don't fall off!

I've read many articles and books on why the family bed isn't good for a marriage. How symbolically, having the children in between them is symbolic of the status of their marriage. My husband and I do miss our privacy, of course. But we know that this stage will end all too soon.  We are savoring every moment we have with our little ones.  At night, when Ava and Emilio are asleep, we like to kiss each and every chubby finger, feel the weight of their soft feet in our hands and  simply to stare at while they sleep. We are comforted hearing their steady rhythmic breathing and their sweet baby scent. The miracle of life still amazes us.  Our children amaze us.   It's parenting heaven.

I also still remember the feeling of being the kid sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed. My brothers and sisters used to all want to sleep in our parents' bed. I still remember waking up on my parents' bed and finding my dad sleeping on what was supposed to be our sleeping bags on the floor. I remember the odd kick here and there of a sleeping sibling. I remember my sister's mumblings. I remember my mom's scent, a mix of baby powder and her soap. And most of all I remember the feeling of belonging, of closeness and of family. I felt so safe.  I want my children to feel the same way. 

The family bed, has its other side of course - taking turns putting a child back to sleep (easier said than done), preventing one child from waking up the other, preventing Ava from kicking Emilio - it's all part of the package.  Over-full diapers leak.  Baby bottles leak. Mom and dad have to wake up and change not just the diaper but also the onesie and the pajama, put a towel over the wet spot on the bed and put baby back to sleep.  We still prepare a bottle or 2 of milk for each of them at night (for some reason, I'm not being able to wean them sooner). It all seems easy, but not in the wee hours of the morning when you know you have a long day at the office coming or when your brain really wants to shut down. I'm really lucky my husband is quite helpful on those middle of the night baby duties.

In the rare instances when my husband and I get home past 8:00pm, Ava and Emilio are fast asleep in Emilio's room with yaya.  I don't know if yaya has magic powers but she says the two sleep through the night.  She doesn't have bottle leaking stories. She doesn't have 4:30am wakings by 2 little kids ready to play. One of these days, I'm going to sleep there just to observe how yaya does it.


In my linen closet, I have a brand new 600 thread count duvet, a pillow top mattress protector and a down alternative duvet filler.  I will bring them out for the day the bed guards can come off, the water repellant mattress protector can be packed away and our king sized bed will be for two people again.

Until then, our family bed symbolizes that our family is blessed and growing. It symbolizes how my husband and I welcome with wide open arms these 2 little people in our lives.